The Love Dare - Day Five

Day Five - Love is Not Rude

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him.

Proverbs 27:14

Nothing irritates people as quickly as someone being rude. Being rude is saying or doing unnecessarily unpleasant things for other people to be be around. In marriage this could be anything embarrassing or irritating like a foul mouth, poor table manners, or habitual sarcastic comments. Any way you look at, no one likes being around a rude person.

Love has something to say about this. In the beginning of a relationship both men and women are driven by intentionally behaving in way that is pleasant for the other person to be around. Each person purposefully avoids things that frustrate the other.

Genuine love minds its manners.

Embracing this ONE concept could add some nice air to your marriage. Good manners express to our spouse that we value them enough to exercise some self-control while around them. You can restore honor to your marriage by allowing love to change your behavior. People with good manners are also more respected by all others around them. 

We tend to have better manners when others are around than when it's just us and our spouse. You may be grumpy or pout-y until a friend calls or stops by then suddenly we are all happy-go-lucky. If you dare to love your spouse then you will want to give your best to them all the time.

Women and men think a lot differently on what types of manners really matter. One thinks burping at the dining table is okay while the other finds it repulsive. The other thinks arguing is simply a way to communicate differing opinions while the other finds it mean. Women need to remember King Solomon's wise words in Proverbs 25:24 where he says, "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Likewise, men need to learn the important lesson found in Psalm 112:5 that says, "It is well with the man who is gracious." We need to learn what is appropriate and adjust our behaviors accordingly.

There are two main reasons why people are rude: ignorance and selfishness. Neither of these is good of course. Living with either of these can make you unpleasant to be around much less to live with. 

Test yourself with the following questions:

1. How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around them?

2. How does your behavior affect your spouse's sense of worth and self-esteem?

3. Would your husband or wife say you're a blessing, or that you're condescending and embarrassing?

If you think that your spouse is the one who needs work in this area, you're likely suffering from ignorance and selfishness. Remember love lifts you to a higher standard. Do you wish your spouse would quit doing the things that bother you? Then it's time to stop doing the things that bother them. Be considerate enough to find out and avoid the behaviors that cause life to be unpleasant for your spouse. Be delightful.

Here are three guiding principles when it comes to practicing good manners in your marriage:

1. Guard the Golden Rule: Treat them the way you want to be treated. [Luke 6:31 - Do to others as you would have them do to you.]

2. No double standards: Be as considerate to your spouse as you would to anyone else.

3. Honor requests: Consider what your spouse already asked you to do (or not do). If you are unsure, then ask.

Today's Dare:

Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.

What things did your spouse point out about you that need your attention? How did you handle hearing it? What do you plan to do to improve these areas?

{Yesterday's Dare for Me: I called Drew while he was at work and asked him if there was anything I could do for him. He said I could wash some of his clothes that he would need to take out of town with him. (I had already done this prior to calling him.) I learned that my husband is sometimes reluctant to ask me to do things for him because he thinks I'll get mad and that I should be more attentive to his needs and willing to fulfill them. I should ask him daily if there is anything I can do for him and do it as soon as possible. }

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